The sting of sarcasm and how to deal with it at work

Frankie Kemp
26 January 2025
Humour is a vital component of leadership communication. The wise use of humor means leaders are seen as more competent. In fact, competence and humor have connections beyond leadership levels.
Good-natured sarcasm, a type of humour, is an effective communication skill when used at the right moment and with the right people, helping to diffuse tension, bond teams and add perspective. But when sarcasm is used or interpreted as hostile, the reverse is true, damaging trust between people.
Here we look at how to recognise sarcasm, what its causes are and how to deal with it. Consequently, you’ll be armed with the business communication skills that you need to either win back your power – or know how to use your own sarcastic leanings more wisely.
The nature of sarcasm
Sarcasm can be a thin veil for hostile intent, undermining an individual’s influence skills in the long term. According to the Oxford Dictionary, sarcasm is defined as:
‘a way of using words that are the opposite of what you mean in order to be unpleasant to somebody or to make fun of them.’
The origin of the word, however, infers the searing effect of sarcasm on others, based on the late Greek word ‘sarkazein’, meaning ‘to strip off the flesh’. It was used metaphorically back when the Greeks would be taking the piss out of each other in the forum as ‘sneer, jaunt or jibe’.
The effect of this though, can often feel as cutting as the literal meaning.
Sarcasm in action
Sarcasm can be funny, adding a bit of good natured spice to a conversation:
“Would you like some coffee with your sugar?”
“Oh great, another riveting report from our data guru.”
The communication challenges of sarcasm
As sarcasm depends on saying the opposite of what is meant, challenging a statement feels awkward. Since the aggression is indirect, it makes it easy for the speaker to deny saying anything hostile – “Oh, come on, I was joking!” – or dismiss it completely. Lenny had sensed this, making him feel powerless in the face of an audible put-down.
When used virtually, sarcasm can often be misunderstood. There’s a risk of what’s heard or written being understood as literal, rather then ironic or the tone being taken as an attack rather than a cheeky josh. This is because sarcasm depends on that look in the eye, facial expression and tone of voice. Without either the playful twinkle in the eye we can be confused about a person’s intent in texts, emails and on the phone resulting such comments to misfire.
The reasons for sarcasm
A Michigan State University study revealed that the rate of such barbed exchanges has doubled over the past two decades. This could be because it’s now being reported more – probably under ‘bullying’.
If sarcasm is actually becoming more rampant, it would suggest several causes:
- Not using communication skills: a lack of courage or dearth of the necessary communication skills to have open conversations and civil disagreement with colleagues. It manifests in the passive aggression of barbed comments.
- Jealousy: chronically sarcastic individuals channel cynical jealousy into contempt or criticism. Just the person you really want to work with: a joy. (Points if you got the sarcasm there.)
- Cynicism: cynicism based on a lack of autonomy; It’s a manifestation of cynicism related to a resentment at one’s own lack of autonomy.
- Highly political workplaces: people might be afraid to say what they feel or they have a tendency cloak their prejudices with sideways stabs. This can be compounded in highly politicised, complex environments where they wouldn’t think twice about knocking colleagues under a bus to look good or be promoted.
- It’s seen as humour: in some contexts funny might what’s intended as well as understood. In fact, 2024 research reveals that in most cases the speaker thinks they’re being amusing. But even comedians using sarcasm as humour can become hated. Dave Chappelle is just one recent example that comes to mind and Jimmy Carr has been known to lose a few likes because of his jibes. If you don’t want to risk collateral damage, choose other ways to use humour. If mocking is your thing, it’s relatively safter to mock yourself – but only if you’ve stored enough respect not to weaken your standing.
How sarcasm harms
- Sarcasm spreads. According to the Michigan State University study above, which focuses on the effect of condescending put downs and sarcasm at work, those that were the object of the behaviour have a tendency to pay it forward. Basically, sarcasm unchallenged spreads.
- It diminishes others: it incurs a sense of shame, reducing resourcefulness and decision making.
- It undermines trust: The problem with sarcasm is that it depends on saying the opposite of what you mean so may easily be misunderstood. It can sow doubt as to the speaker’s intent and at the worst, is received as suppressed hostility, undermining trust.
- It’s an energy sucker: Whether working out if the comment had an abusive intent or contemplating how to deal with the humiliation, sarcasm induces ‘mental fatigue’.
How can you deal with sarcasm at work?
1. Ask for Clarification: Frame your response around your own feelings and perceptions., using ‘I’ statements. For example, “I feel a bit confused by your comment, Martin. Could you clarify what you mean?”
2. Call them out. Have you noticed how the more hostile comments tend to be muttered or whispered? Don’t let them hide. Ask, “There something I said that didn’t sit well with you, right? What would you have liked instead?” Make sure you’re sounding openly curious along with maintaining eye contact and slightly tilting the head. You’re coaching them to be more assertive about their needs, instead of allowing their passive aggression, in a way that is unlikely to feel like an attack.
3. Give them what they want. You’re in the supermarket when you glide in front of someone in a queue. Not that you would, but lets imagine you didn’t know they were in that queue. You hear them say, “Of course, you own the supermarket. Reply here with a bit of compassion, “Whoops, I’m sorry. Please go ahead.” The person might bob in front of you but it wouldn’t be unusual for them to let their resentment go and wave you ahead. I guess it’s a question of picking your battles.
5. Redirect the Conversation: Steer the conversation back to the main topic. For example, “Let’s focus on the task at hand. How can we move forward with this project?”
6. Ignore it. Trust that they’ll be seen for what they are. One of the engineers I worked with in a group workshop, was lobbing little jeers at the Head of Learning all through the two-day workshop. The younger ones around him would snicker along with him. I thought I was the only one who noticed. However, while I was speaking to the more experienced members of the team, they clocked it. Soon, he was gone. They commented on his arrogance, one department head calling him ‘an infection’. Toxicity spreads. But there’s another lesson here: be careful what you laugh at. People are watching, despite what you think.
7. Acknowledge and move on: Briefly acknowledge the comment and then move on to the next point. For example, “I see what you’re saying. Now, about the project timeline…”
8. Label their feelings: This will help the other person to express themselves more clearly. For example, they sneer: “Oh yeah, this procedure is really good use of our time!” Respond by remarking on how they might be feeling in a non-judgemental way, such as, “Do you feel this is a waste of your time? Is there’s a better way to make this activity safer, Joel?”
9. Use empathy: In response to the comment above, you might use empathy instead. For example, “I know this feels like such a bind. Here’s what I was thinking…”
10. Respond with the opposite of sarcasm: sincerity. This works a treat. Sarcasm might be uttered as a joke, albeit a mean one. Reduce the sarcasm by letting ‘humour’ fall flat. For example, “You’re friend Maddy is a real charmer!” Answer with mock naiveté, “Oh, I’m so pleased you think so, Simon. Let’s find a date to get together again.” They’re then forced to act more genuinely and will be likely to express their total objection to ever meeting your friend. However uncomfortable this may seem, it does take the sarcasm out the air.
What if your boss is sarcastic?
When your boss is the one being sarcastic, it can be particularly challenging. Here are some strategies to handle the situation effectively:All the above plus..
7. Address the Behaviour. If the sarcasm is affecting your work environment, consider having a private conversation with your boss. You could say, “Some of your comments feel sarcastic but I’m not sure that was what you intended. Can we discuss this? I’m open to constructive feedback.”
8. Document Incidents. Keep a record of any sarcastic or unprofessional comments. This can be useful if you need to escalate the issue to HR or higher management.
9. Seek Support. If the sarcasm continues, consider seeking advice from a mentor, coach HR, or a trusted colleague.
Don’t let yourself be crushed so someone else can redeem their fragile self-esteem – on the cheap. You’ve been asked to do a job because of your skills. Value them. Defend them.
If it’s you being sarcastic…
- Don’t feed the monster. Are you using sarcasm because it’s been used on you? Stop. If there’s a suppressed anger, have a constructive conversation or speak to a manager, mentor or coach. (Maybe, even a Communications Specialist, such as myself.)
- Find the aim. Is this a ‘teaching moment? Perhaps you need to shift to explaining or inspiring.
- Apologise for a misfired remark. If it was to lighten the atmosphere, avoid collateral damage.
Your Action Steps
- Take 10 mins and write a letter to yourself in the 2nd person [using the word ‘you’]. Focus on your skills, talents and characteristics and knowledge. You need to know that you’re worth defending.
- If necessary, get a session with a coach to prepare you for how you’ll react.
- Look at the choices above and rehearse your approach either alone, with a friend or any other guide.
Do you have any specific ways of dealing with sarcasm at work? Let me know in the comments
Sometimes you need some professional feedback and help with communication skills training. If you need to step up your ability your verbal and non-verbal influence skills then have a look at my communication skills courses to see how I work with clients to upgrade their impact: I can do the same for you. Get in touch with me here.
Comments.
Frankie, thank you for this article. Your comments on this issue are very enlightening and useful to know. I have the “joy” of working with “professionals”, who apply sarcasm with a negative intent. I will take on board the advice and apply some of these actions. Thanks
So pleased to know you found this useful, Carolina!