Do you Communicate like a Dog or a Cat?

Are there times when you don’t seem to be taken seriously? Maybe you’re seen as aloof and unapproachable.

When it comes to improving your influence skills, there are many different aspects to consider when it comes to non-verbal communication and its effect on others. For example, are you overusing gesture, speaking in a way that makes people questions your self-assurance, do you try too hard to be likeable? Alternatively, you might seem as approachable as a nuclear cloud.

When I work with clients, it’s likely we’re going to be focusing on a couple of aspects of non-verbal and verbal techniques for influence. You’ll be pleased to know that there’s a short cut when it comes to behaviour allowing you to override thinking about specific communication skills techniques during interactions. That short cut involves considering yourself as either a dog or a cat and was originated by Michael Grinder, the renowned master of Neuro-Linguistic Programming. The behaviours associated with these two identities are:

CAT QUALITIES	DOG QUALITIES
Authoritative demeanour Flat-tones voice turning down at the end, with closed palms Calm and still body language Command immediate attention	More ‘approachable’ and ‘friendly demeanour Smile and nod more Use open palms when speaking Speak with a lilting vocal pattern which rises at the end

The Problem With Being Too Much Dog Or Cat

In the business world, it is the cats that tend to be first in line for promotion and who get the leadership jobs.  Yet, unless they also know how to use their ‘dog’ qualities as well as their ‘cat’ tendencies, those cats can come across as cold, or even ruthless.  On the other hand, too much of the dog tendency could undermine how much credibility you project.  There’s a risk you’ll find being heard in meetings difficult, more easily be taken for granted and you’ll miss out on promotions.

To increase your influence with all the different people you deal with, the optimum is to have a balance of both ‘dog’ and ‘cat’ qualities and sometime you need to push one more to the fore.  So how do you know if you’re more of a dog or a cat?

An Example of a CAT in action

David (almost 100 per cent CAT)

• Did not bother with pleasantries, but sat straight down at the table
• Sat with head and body still
• Sat slightly forward on his chair with straight back
• Smiled very little
• Appeared bored with the conversation
• Criticised others, sounding aggressive
• Ignored his PA who brought him coffee
• Spoke little but when he did, his voice was flat, decisive and turned down at the end of the sentence.

Diagnosis:

Too cat-like

Results:

Takes himself very seriously does David.  That’s all very well but he seems to be dismissive with it.  As far as he’s concerned, what he says goes so there’s no discussion about it. A measure of decisiveness is often necessary and respected but he projects an authoritarian and supercilious demeanor.  It’s a wonder he even bothers to grace you with his presence.

 An Example of a DOG in action

Sarah (almost 100 per cent dog)

• Moved around in her chair
• Fiddled with pens
• Put hands up to her face or leant her chin on her hand
• Constantly smoothed or twiddled her hair
• Lolled in her chair
• Swung her legs
• Turned fully to the coffee bringer and thanked her profusely
• Spoke often and quickly
• Asked questions or commented a good deal with a lilting voice turned up at the ends of phrases
• Smiled all the time, even when serious issues were being discussed
• Threw glances at David to see his reaction

Diagnosis:

Too dog-like

Results:

She made great points but so weakly that no-one seemed to hear them. David would make the same point a few minutes later and everyone nodded and wrote down what he said. As he’s a cat, he didn’t bother acknowledging that Sarah had said it first. If others did look her way, it would be because she was distracting or annoying.

Hard on Issues, Soft on People

Indira (50 per cent DOG and 50 per cent CAT)

• Welcomed everyone as they came in a friendly way, with a personal interchange or question
• At this early stage of the proceedings, Indira spoke lightly with palms open, a nodding head and a smile, approachable voice pattern (lilting and turning up at the end)
• Gave a general introduction in an impassioned voice, pausing, breathing low, engaging all in her topic
• Engaged questioners by turning towards them, listening and nodding (not overdoing it though, just a light nod or head tilt now and again)
• When turning to the issues, she used a flipchart – making the information visual – using ‘third point’.
• When dealing with these issues, she changed her body language to ‘credible’ – still head, still body, set face, voice tone flat and going down at the end, pausing, looking serious and breathing low.
• With one particularly difficult issue, where someone around the table had made a mistake with figures that had had some severe consequences, she took pains not to blame the perpetrator who was present (David did) but instead presented the issue as a problem for the team to solve together. They rose to the occasion with faces saved.

Diagnosis: A good mix of cat and dog and a promising charismatic leader

Results: Indira gained the respect of the room. She was soft on people, hard on issues, able to move from ‘approachable’ to ‘credible’ appropriately – half dog, half cat.  She sought to influence rather than dictate with power. As she had not cast any blame on anyone in particular, the person responsible for the ‘mistake’ took the blame himself because it was a safe environment in which to do so.

Afterwards, David approached her to ask  her some questions. As a leader, therefore, Indira is likely to gain the affection of the ‘dogs’ in the Company, and the respect of the ‘cats’. She will also be a good intermediary, interpreting messages for each group.

Advice for Indira:

• Keep up the good work!
• Coach others in an adaptable cat/dog style that is soft on people and hard on issues
• Engage a coach to work with your team on the power of influence and a balance between cat and dog qualities

Here’s Cat / Dog In Action (a ‘Cog?’ a ‘Dat?’ – whatever, she’s mixing it up good and proper here):

I think you’ll have to turn a blind eye to the fact that the walls of the TV studio might have fallen down just before they went on air, and now they’ve found themselves on the edge of a golf course.

Experiment With Your Inner Cat or Dog

It takes some reflection and emotional intelligence to know when to switch between cat and dog, not that you always need to think about this consciously. However, when you have interactions that may not have worked as you’d wished, ask yourself whether the way you came across could be enhanced by switching identity in this way.  Often, you’ll be amazed at how instantly you can see feedback. In turn, you’ll increase your self-confidence to boost your influence in your organisation, no matter what level you are within your organisation.

Your Action Steps:

1. If you don’t feel you haven’t been taken as seriously as you’d like, be more cat.
2. Conversely, when you think you need to be a bit gentler or more open, experiment with a dog demeanour.
3. Seek feedback from an honest and trustworthy colleague if you need to check your own instinct.

Sometimes you need some professional feedback and help with communication skills training. If you need to step up your ability your verbal and non-verbal influence skills then have a look at my communication skills courses to see how I work with clients to upgrade their impact: I can do the same for you. Get in touch with me here.